The Slowest Swimmer In Town

In a vague attempt to get fit, svelte and generally toned by October, Simon and I have taken to going swimming. We went to the adult lanes swim tonight at the local pool. They had three lanes set up fast, medium and slow. I joined the slow lane, Simon joined the medium one - within 3 minutes I had proved one thing.

They need 4 lanes - fast, medium, slow and "my God, I've never seen anyone swim so slowly and not sink" for me. I was by a fair length or two the slowest swimmer in the pool, even the hunchback with misshapen arms and the little old lady who left her zimmer frame* by the edge of the pool were lapping me.

I'm quite a good swimmer, my technique is OK I'm fairly strong but fast I'm not, I never have been, when I learnt at school the teacher would be ready to pack up for the end of the lesson by the time I had finished my length. I put it down to the anti thorpedo effect - just as Ian Thorpe has massive feet and hands that helped propel him along at a great rate of knots, I have tiny feet and hands (for my size), and when I swim I can only displace thimblefuls of water compared to the buckets that everyone else can so no wonder I go so slowly.

I think I'm going to take up water aerobics when I move to King's Lynn, less likely to be humiliated by a one legged 80 year old.

*OK that may be a slight exaggeration.