28 July 2005

I hate my friends!!!!!!!!

Jane is dead sexy and is looking for non-weird, fully physically able, attractive men between the ages of 30 and 40, she has an active interest in transvestism and a fascination with women’s boobs (fake or real). She is looking for a man or men to wine and dine her, cooking an essential skill. Is willing to consider more than one man at a time as long as she remains centre of attention at all times. Transvestites welcome. Wants to experiment with toys and role play especially involving military domination. Costumes should include soldier 95 combats, RAF No 5’s (or equivalent) or Army No 1’s. Willing to marry a kind, good looking, buff man with hods of cash. Strong liver essential. PPL desirable.

Anne is a slim natural blonde with a keen sense of humour, who loves physical activity. She loves the younger man, especially between the ages of 22 and 26 particularly the more physical type, the more muscular the better. She enjoys being beasted in the gym, especially when she can watch the men in tight lycra shorts. She is seeking a financially secure man with a fine developed sense of the ridiculous, particularly enjoying tickling and silly word games. An ability to walk long distances and the ability to put up with sudden emotional episodes is desirable.

Flt Lt (that’s right I said Flt Lt - a real live officer!!) Dave cuts a tall distinguished figure, however this hides a dubious character prone to perversion and kinky persuasions. He enjoys dressing up (himself) and undressing (women) and watching intimate activities of all kinds. Looking at him now he dances like a spanner, which is a change from the usual military plank dance! He has an air of gentility about him, well at least until he farts. Any potential friends would need to have an interest in lycra, not to mention a strong sense of control for when they see HIS cycling shorts!!! A genuine and caring friend, he is always on hand, willing and able to scrub a lady’s back whenever she can’t reach for herself.


Ok so this isn't Jane, but her friend (she's shouting 'EX-FRIEND' in my ear right now)Anne. We have been drinking red wine with our friend Dave for some hours now and decided to write personnal ads for each other, hence the above!!! Anyone willing to take Jane off our hands is eligible for a generous cash payout to help with their therapy bill, no really she is lovely and you should snap her up while you have the chance (i.e. before we have her committed)

Anne xxx

13 comments:

  1. LOL. :)

    "Transvestites welcome", "costumes should include... combats".

    Jane... I have a pair of pink combats. That either
    a) covers all the bases
    or
    b) is hopelessly inadequate on both counts.

    ;-)

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  2. Oh and PS... why do you never answer your emails!? ;-)

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  3. Whoops sorry Becky I keep forgetting to check them! I will do so as soon as I get home!

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  4. Pervy! Whatever happened to the good old WW2 army great coats and gas masks? Such fun.

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  5. David (ex Friend of Jane???)28 July, 2005

    Well reading this in the sober (ow my head hurts) light of day. I hate to say that these have a horrible ring of truth about them. In the best possible sense of course. I should point out that I commited finger to keyboard for the brief description (assasination...peer group review??) of Anne.

    Becky,

    Knowing Jane as I do... the pink combats will be right up her street! LOL

    Why did we drink so much red wine....who's idea was it to go off to off licence...Oh no its all coming back......!!! (hides in corner quivering)

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  6. Becky,

    By the way I can lend you some proper green combats if you really want to impress.... The pink ones are a little pink.. have just seen them on your photos on Flikr, but you might need to find alternative footwear!! ;)

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  7. Don,

    They got rid of the old great coats years ago unfortunately they were very smart. The RAF now wear awful windcheater style jackets or bulky all weather coats which while not stylish are better than the plastic rain coats they had before.

    I've warn a gas mask once though not in a sexy pervy way it was a weird sensation and the gas mask smelt of cat litter.

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  8. Dave, I thought it couldn't have been me who wrote that about Anne, far too well spelt and better grammar.

    Your head shouldn't still be hurting now I now feel a fresh as a daisy, it must be age catching up with you.

    It was my idea to go to the offie I thought the walk was do us good... I was wrong!

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  9. On a serious note, I believe the fetish for gas masks has all but gone. Apparently, the practitioners were hooked on it in their sexually formative years, when supposedly they were having crafty fumbles in the Anderson shelters, whilst the Luftwaffe were dropping their bombs. I suppose it's a simple association between gas masks and a bit of 'how's your father'. Can you imagine the sexy young thing saying to her beau, I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable... only to return wearing a gas mask? Anyway, it's an intersting theory about association playing a part in the making of our sexual proclivities. Hmmm... for the life of me I cant ever remember a time, way back when, when an empty Guiness bottle, a quarter pound of margarine, and a large marigold glove were part of some significant experience of mine. Erm... but that's another story...

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  10. Don,

    You cannot leave us hanging like that......

    Shall I pull up a leatherette arm chair and settle in for a tall tale

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  11. I suspect a dodgy beard at work with all this talk of gas masks....

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  12. David,

    Given my shy nature and the delicate nature of the subject, it will suffice to leave you with the key words and phrases: akimbo, vigorous, and "oh, oh, oh, miss Jones!![a la Rigsby]".

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  13. A blogger with a shy and retiring nature........!!!! a non sequitor surely

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