19 June 2005

Topless Madness

I know that every other British blogger living south of... oh say Benbecula has been blogging on about how hot it has been been over the last two or three days but I don't see why that should stop me from having a moan as well. I'm not a natural summer person as soon as the outside temperature creeps over 20C I start to wilt. The sole aim of my life turns to trying to cool down. I currently have a desk fan running in my living room in the vain hope that it will cool the room down, I'm not sure it is working too well I've just looked at the thermometer in here and it is reading 27C and it is 9pm.

The heat saps me of what energy I have so my sloth like tendencies come to the fore. I went into my bedroom to get a book earlier, it took me half an hour as I had to have a wee rest on my bed to summon up the energy to pad back to the living room and slump on the couch to read the book I then promptly fell asleep and I missed The Archers.

Hot weather like this also wreaks havoc with my dressing style as well, having been a goth I still have an affinity with black clothing, in fact if you have been shopping in Peterborough or Cambridge and heard a not unattractive 30 something woman ask the shop assistant "this is nice but do you have it in black?" there is a good chance it will have been me. But black as we all know is not a good idea in the blazing sunshine we have had over the last few days, so I am forced, in an effort to stay cool to wear the fashion atrocities that normally hang at the very back of my wardrobe that I have never quite got rid off because, quite frankly I forget that they are there one year to another. Currently I am wearing an old grey tee shirt that is too short for my liking and washed out of shape on the first wash and a red flowery skirt that I bought to turn into patchwork but never got round to doing and just happens to fit me. The chances of me going outside in this ensemble is nil unless the building goes up in flames as it does nothing for me and I have an image to keep up.

I'm not the only one suffering from sartorial inelegance in this heat, I have observed unadvised crop tops on the too chubby and too old grey bra straps showing along side the spaghetti straps, the occasional socks and sandals being worn with shorts that were probably purchased sometime in the late 80's. Fat middle aged men suffering because they thought "hey, summer's here, time to go out in my replica football top" Big mistake - those things are like wearing plastic bags in this heat. But the sight that I have seen the most is that of the local Chavs going topless showing off their tattoos, tops stuck into the tops of their cut off jeans. In the morning they went out pale and wan, this evening they are returning, tinny in hand, tomato red.

We Brits just can't cope with hot weather our towns and cities become places of fashion horror as soon as the sun shines. I went to Milan last July for my summer holiday it was so different there. The Italians seem to be able to cope much better, linen suits and skirts, cotton tops, sunglasses and the very sensible policy of staying out of the sun at the hottest part of the day, having a leisurely lunch in a kerbside cafe in the shade.

Appraisals of The Day
2nd Reporting Officer on Cpl Pers Admin

"His confident attitude and open humour made him a popular individual who had a refreshing attitude to life and an open adoration for Cilla Black, which I could never understand".
1st Reporting Officer on Cpl Pers Admin

"She has provided much needed stiffening to the section during the tours of two unremarkable SNCOs".
1st Reporting Officer on a very Junior Officer

Hopefully he will mature into an engineer, but at this time the best description of him is a well spoken twit.


  1. i'm with you: i LOATHE this heat

    it's ridiculously hot

    i wish it would SNOW...

  2. "with shorts that were probably purchased sometime in the late 80's" - hey, that's me just looked at a black & white photo of me in corfu in 1982 wearing the same shorts I put on a couple of days ago - don't do the socks and open-toe sndals, though. I mean, what would rachel say. ;)

    BTW, do you mind me linking to your blog?

  3. would be delighted Rachel!