Not really got anything to say today except I finally got my replacement contact lenses so can now see the world with out smudges again.
Here is a list of links for your entertainment while I attempt to think of something I want to blog about.
Comfort Breakdown from Eclectech
Santa's New Reindeer spotted by Charlotte, but it's only September for goodness sake and already we are getting fluffy Christmas Stories.
Interview with Chiwetel Ejiofor who is starring in Kinky Boots from today's Guardian
Another brilliant thing I saw in the Guardian today was photos of art work in New York, artist Ji Lee sticks speech bubbles on adverts and posters then leaves them for people to fill in he then takes photos. Wyndham found the link to Ji Lee's site though.
Enjoy.
30 September 2005
29 September 2005
The L Word
Went to Frankie and Benny's with Simon last night for a meal before we went to see Pride and Prejudice at the local multiplex. Pride and Prejudice is very good by the way, Brenda Blethyn was superb as Mrs Bennet, she played her as a more rounded person rather than the one tone marriage obsessed harpy she is too frequently portrayed as.
Normally Frankie and Benny's is packed to the rafters when I've been before I've have always ended up waiting in the bar area so I suggested that we went early. We were lucky and were shown to a table straight away but I had not been expecting this which meant after an ok but not brilliant meal* we had about an hour to kill. So to the bar we went to have another drink. Sitting down looking round I noticed that there were a lot of women in there, eating and at the bar. Some of that could be put down to "going to see a chick flick with my friends" thing but as Si said as he came back from the bar with our drinks it was fairly obvious that Wednesday night is "lesbian night"! at F&B. Which, of course is fab and groovy, just it increased the number of lesbian couples I'd seen in my not particularly fab and groovy or hip corner of Cambridgeshire from nil to 5.
*Please note that we only went there because the other choices were KFC and MacDonalds
Normally Frankie and Benny's is packed to the rafters when I've been before I've have always ended up waiting in the bar area so I suggested that we went early. We were lucky and were shown to a table straight away but I had not been expecting this which meant after an ok but not brilliant meal* we had about an hour to kill. So to the bar we went to have another drink. Sitting down looking round I noticed that there were a lot of women in there, eating and at the bar. Some of that could be put down to "going to see a chick flick with my friends" thing but as Si said as he came back from the bar with our drinks it was fairly obvious that Wednesday night is "lesbian night"! at F&B. Which, of course is fab and groovy, just it increased the number of lesbian couples I'd seen in my not particularly fab and groovy or hip corner of Cambridgeshire from nil to 5.
*Please note that we only went there because the other choices were KFC and MacDonalds
27 September 2005
Bandwagon Blogging.
Never let it be said that I can't recognise a bandwagon to jump on and a bit of easy blogging when it occurs. I've been feeling so uninspired about what to write today so it was with great relief I saw that Bex had thought up a meme type thing.
first 5 random articles on Wikipedia you can be bothered to write something about.
1. 3-D Tic-Tac-Toe (Atari 2600) according to Wikipedia article this was 4 by 4 grids stacked 4 high version of the game we call naughts and crosses, never played it we didn't have an Atari.
2. Greyhound I occasionally go to the dogs with my colleagues from work it's a fun evening out if you can take the bad beer and food.
3. Castellón de la Plana apparently the capital city of the provence of Castellón in Spain. I've only ever been to Spain once for a long weekend, it was nice but very tiring.
4. Cytopathy - 'Cytopathy is the disease or disorder of a cell, or of the structures contained within a cell. Cytopathy comes from the Greek word "kytos" meaning "a hollow cell," and the Greek word "pathos" meaning "suffering." The two words combined thus mean "suffering (of) a hollow cell."' I never knew that.
5. List of state leaders in 1070 - Does what it says on the tin.
first 5 random articles on Wikipedia you can be bothered to write something about.
1. 3-D Tic-Tac-Toe (Atari 2600) according to Wikipedia article this was 4 by 4 grids stacked 4 high version of the game we call naughts and crosses, never played it we didn't have an Atari.
2. Greyhound I occasionally go to the dogs with my colleagues from work it's a fun evening out if you can take the bad beer and food.
3. Castellón de la Plana apparently the capital city of the provence of Castellón in Spain. I've only ever been to Spain once for a long weekend, it was nice but very tiring.
4. Cytopathy - 'Cytopathy is the disease or disorder of a cell, or of the structures contained within a cell. Cytopathy comes from the Greek word "kytos" meaning "a hollow cell," and the Greek word "pathos" meaning "suffering." The two words combined thus mean "suffering (of) a hollow cell."' I never knew that.
5. List of state leaders in 1070 - Does what it says on the tin.
26 September 2005
Cat out of the bag
It's time to stop teasing. I went to Kings Lynn this weekend to see my boyfriend Simon, not just for the bracing sea air and a change of scene. It's a new, young relationship so I/we hadn't really wanted to mention it before but it was becoming the elephant in the room in blogging terms and quite a few had guessed.
There's not much else I want to say at this point except I'm grinning like a maniac writing this, I'm very very happy.
There's not much else I want to say at this point except I'm grinning like a maniac writing this, I'm very very happy.
25 September 2005
Mouse On The Rocks
After the Bagpuss gig finished the mouse found that work became increasingly hard to find, nobody wanted singing thrifty mice during the hard nosed calculating 1980s. It was ok for Bagpuss and Emily, oh yes they sailed off into the sunset living it large on the syndication deals. This hurt the mouse the most it was he and his colleagues that had made the show but what thanks did they get? Just a letter in the post saying the series would not be picked up next year.
Professor Yaffle and Madeline got by with a bit of supply teaching when they could pick it up. Nobody remembered what happened to the frog or was it a toad?
Eventually the mouse couldn't get through the day without a glass of wine at his side. He was often found huddled in bars next to Major Clanger loudly complaining about his agent and drinking the not very good wine they had bought because they had mugged Tobermory Womble the night before. Last seen the mouse had fallen into a cup of coffee and was heard to be mornfully singing "We will fix it, we will mend it..."
Professor Yaffle and Madeline got by with a bit of supply teaching when they could pick it up. Nobody remembered what happened to the frog or was it a toad?
Eventually the mouse couldn't get through the day without a glass of wine at his side. He was often found huddled in bars next to Major Clanger loudly complaining about his agent and drinking the not very good wine they had bought because they had mugged Tobermory Womble the night before. Last seen the mouse had fallen into a cup of coffee and was heard to be mornfully singing "We will fix it, we will mend it..."
24 September 2005
Great Ouse
I've lived near the Great Ouse river for more than 10 years now, today was the first time I've seen where it reaches the sea.
To me the Ouse that that runs through York is the iconic river of that name. The Great Ouse may reach the sea but it lacks the oomph and presence of the Yorkshire river to my mind.
To me the Ouse that that runs through York is the iconic river of that name. The Great Ouse may reach the sea but it lacks the oomph and presence of the Yorkshire river to my mind.
23 September 2005
Aftermath
Well I got home
I'm upright, I've eaten, I'm drinking an alkaseltzer and squash concoction. I've taken my makeup off (at about 12:30) but I'm not dressed which is not good cos I've got to get a train in about an hour and I've not even packed.
22 September 2005
Jane going out tonight
Got another works' night out tonight so thought I would take a picture before my make up melts.
ipod flea
With various people I know getting very excited about the ipod nano it reminded me of this cute spoof video.
ipod flea () - video
ipod flea () - video
20 September 2005
Smoking
I never mentioned it before in the blog but I used to smoke, well I'm a very recent non smoker as I gave up just about a fortnight ago. So far so good, I haven't really wanted a ciggie though I have thought one would be nice.
Up until Sunday I was using patches but during the day I began to develop nasty side effects, the instructions said stop using patches if this happened so I did. The contraindications have almost totally died away now. Not using the patches hasn't been too bad I'm a bit more irritable but that will die away and again I haven't really felt my will power being tested.
So why did I give up? Not because I was being nagged by anyone, in fact nagging is guaranteed to make me do the exact opposite. No it was because I decided I needed to for my health (I'm sick of having a 365 day cough and I'm sure others were too) and because it is getting so expensive to be anti social.
I just hope that this time it sticks properly I've given up before only to crumble. I also hope that I never turn into one of those awful anti smoking ex smokers.
I'm not going to do one of those slide bars that tell you how long with out a ciggie but if you ask nicely I might let you know how its going from time to time.
Up until Sunday I was using patches but during the day I began to develop nasty side effects, the instructions said stop using patches if this happened so I did. The contraindications have almost totally died away now. Not using the patches hasn't been too bad I'm a bit more irritable but that will die away and again I haven't really felt my will power being tested.
So why did I give up? Not because I was being nagged by anyone, in fact nagging is guaranteed to make me do the exact opposite. No it was because I decided I needed to for my health (I'm sick of having a 365 day cough and I'm sure others were too) and because it is getting so expensive to be anti social.
I just hope that this time it sticks properly I've given up before only to crumble. I also hope that I never turn into one of those awful anti smoking ex smokers.
I'm not going to do one of those slide bars that tell you how long with out a ciggie but if you ask nicely I might let you know how its going from time to time.
19 September 2005
Nottingham
A couple of weeks ago Becky asked if I was interested in going on a tranny night out in Nottingham, I thought for a nano second then said "Yes please".
The excuse for the night out was the birthday of Tigg, a friend of a neighbour of Sophie's who we stayed with in Derby. We got there early Saturday afternoon so after a cup of tea we; Sophie, Jessica, Becky and I wandered into town where we stopped at a bar for lunch. When we ordered our drinks the waitress double checked that I really wanted a pint of lager! Then Shannon met up with us because together we were going to find Tigg a birthday present. The cards didn't take long nor did the cake but the present itself took much discussion and thinking about in Top Man. We bimbled into TK Maxx where Becky demonstrated "spotting a good buy at 100 m" combined with "not wincing when wielding the credit card" skills that I have not seen in real life for a while.
I learnt a lot over this weekend as well, for instance according to Becky all tranny photos must include the feet, so this one is wrong.
But this one is correct
*
However when some of your subjects are tall it can be difficult
I had to do this!
But enough of Tranny Photography for beginners
It was a cracking evening, it was so nice to meet people about whom I had heard so much from Becky, seen mentioned on her blog and elsewhere so to finally meet them in the flesh was cool. Armed with glowsticks we headed off to Nottingham. After a quick drink in the bar next to the club we went in.
I'd had never been to a Gay Club before, I had never had the excuse before. It was great, the music good to dance to without slipping into cheesy, enough places to to sit and enough bar space that it didn't take hours to get served.
I like people watching I always have done, it had been fascinating that afternoon mooching around Derby with the others watching the general public to see if they clocked Sophie who was in Sophie mode. I don't think that many did and those that did do didn't point or gesticulate well not in our hearing. At the bar and the club in the evening we did get more overt stares but it wasn't unfriendly at all. A young lad came up to speak to Sophie in the bar next to the club, he was the one who told us to get in there quickly before the entry price went up.
It was a fabulous weekend and for me different from the stuff I had done before, but hopefully I will get the chance to go out on many more nights like it and different too.
* Note only need to see one of my feet.
The excuse for the night out was the birthday of Tigg, a friend of a neighbour of Sophie's who we stayed with in Derby. We got there early Saturday afternoon so after a cup of tea we; Sophie, Jessica, Becky and I wandered into town where we stopped at a bar for lunch. When we ordered our drinks the waitress double checked that I really wanted a pint of lager! Then Shannon met up with us because together we were going to find Tigg a birthday present. The cards didn't take long nor did the cake but the present itself took much discussion and thinking about in Top Man. We bimbled into TK Maxx where Becky demonstrated "spotting a good buy at 100 m" combined with "not wincing when wielding the credit card" skills that I have not seen in real life for a while.
I learnt a lot over this weekend as well, for instance according to Becky all tranny photos must include the feet, so this one is wrong.
But this one is correct
*
However when some of your subjects are tall it can be difficult
I had to do this!
But enough of Tranny Photography for beginners
It was a cracking evening, it was so nice to meet people about whom I had heard so much from Becky, seen mentioned on her blog and elsewhere so to finally meet them in the flesh was cool. Armed with glowsticks we headed off to Nottingham. After a quick drink in the bar next to the club we went in.
I'd had never been to a Gay Club before, I had never had the excuse before. It was great, the music good to dance to without slipping into cheesy, enough places to to sit and enough bar space that it didn't take hours to get served.
I like people watching I always have done, it had been fascinating that afternoon mooching around Derby with the others watching the general public to see if they clocked Sophie who was in Sophie mode. I don't think that many did and those that did do didn't point or gesticulate well not in our hearing. At the bar and the club in the evening we did get more overt stares but it wasn't unfriendly at all. A young lad came up to speak to Sophie in the bar next to the club, he was the one who told us to get in there quickly before the entry price went up.
It was a fabulous weekend and for me different from the stuff I had done before, but hopefully I will get the chance to go out on many more nights like it and different too.
* Note only need to see one of my feet.
18 September 2005
Sunday Night too busy sorting photos to blog properly blog.
eclectech : pants pirate messenger
Apparently tomorrow is supposed to be talk like a pirate day, in honour of this eclectech have produced a pirate messenger.
Normal service will be resumed once I've got my photos and ideas sorted from the rather groovy weekend I had with Becky in Derby/Nottingham.
Apparently tomorrow is supposed to be talk like a pirate day, in honour of this eclectech have produced a pirate messenger.
Normal service will be resumed once I've got my photos and ideas sorted from the rather groovy weekend I had with Becky in Derby/Nottingham.
15 September 2005
The Worst Pub In Bournemouth
Has to be the one that is run by that big chain that is supposed to be a supporter of real ale, good food, cheap prices and no music you know the one - "W*****SP**NS". Awful, absolutely appalling it took our group from the course at least 30 minutes to get served, not because it was chocka but because the young female staff suffered from a rare form of blindness - the inability to see anyone above the age of 20 or female. The real crime however was how they treated the beer, I ordered a pint of Spitfire, a real ale so it should have been cooler than room temperature of course but not chilled to the point it was colder than the Grolsh!
Apart from that the course was the usual management nonsense except we did an exercise where I was the leader, on the feedback the trainer said that I was a powerful leader with presence! Cool just call me La Presidenta
Apart from that the course was the usual management nonsense except we did an exercise where I was the leader, on the feedback the trainer said that I was a powerful leader with presence! Cool just call me La Presidenta
12 September 2005
Oooh Forgot To Say
I'm on a three day residential course, so unless the hotel has free internet access. I'll see you all on Thursday possibly Friday.
11 September 2005
Meme Thing
Rats, Becky has pinged me for a meme, I suppose it is her revenge for me saying to her about my snakes posting "well it may be lazy but at least it isn't a bloody meme" just as she was completing her meme blog.
Having sat down to complete this meme I've realised that it means I actually I have to some work I've got to write something, recycling funnies I get sent by friends is much purer in the essential slothness.
So here goes "Five Songs I'm Diggin' This Week"
1. Happy When It Rains - Jesus and Mary Chain on Darklands
This is the first JAMC tune that really hit my consciousness properly and make me go "wow, that is possibly a perfect pop song" Darklands is their most poppy album they stripped away some of the feedback that had drenched their first album Psychocandy and allowed their pop sensibilities to flourish.
2. Staying with the Scottish Vibe (could this be because of Scotland's rather good win over Norway on Wednesday?
) Next up is Dry The Rain by The Beta Band on 3EPs
I remember reading about the Beta Band a few years back in a Guardian supplement and thinking oh that sounds good, I'll have to check them out and then never quite getting round to it. I saw High Fidelity, heard this song and thought yes they are good must check them out properly this time, then didn't do a thing about it until about 2 years ago when a local music shop was closing down and I was able to pick up Hot Shots II for £3. I really loved that and got more of their stuff. I saw them at The Junction in Cambridge with a friend from work in January. Excellent gig and possibly the politest band I've ever seen, I hope that they reform.
The problem with this meme thing is that I go through phases of doing nothing but listening to music and then phases of not doing so at all. And I'm in a not listening to much music at the moment. All my radios are tuned to Radio 4 on an almost permanent basis with brief trips to Radio 5 Live. I don't listen to music when on the move. I'm rarely exposed to music on a day to day basis so this exercise is slightly artificial as I'm having to look at my music collection and ponder. I did tell Becky it would have been a lot easier if she had asked me to list "5 Radio 4 programmes I'm diggin' this week"
But back to the meme:
3. Venus in Furs by The Velvet Underground on The Velvet Underground and Nico.
Cool and kinky, sounds fabulous as well.
4. Rowche Rumble by the The Fall my copy is on 50,000 Fall Fans Can't Be Wrong: 39 Golden Greats.
Now I have been digging this song this week. It popped into my head when I read Miss K's answers to this meme, I've been singing it to myself all week.
The other problem with this meme is avoiding slipping into pretentiousness or showing myself to be the no hope goth/grunge/stuck in the late 80s early 90s geekette I really am.
5. Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes on Elephant.
Thunderous opener to the album, the video is also very striking and I have been diggin it this week cos I've had the lines "I'm going to Wichita, Far from this Opera for evermore" stuck on repeat in my head.
Right I believe that is tradition to chose people to pass this on to so Charlotte, Palace Fan, Michelle and Lazy Iguana, your turn if you want to.
Becky - mini meme back to you What was the first album you got? Mine was Arrival by Abba
Having sat down to complete this meme I've realised that it means I actually I have to some work I've got to write something, recycling funnies I get sent by friends is much purer in the essential slothness.
So here goes "Five Songs I'm Diggin' This Week"
1. Happy When It Rains - Jesus and Mary Chain on Darklands
This is the first JAMC tune that really hit my consciousness properly and make me go "wow, that is possibly a perfect pop song" Darklands is their most poppy album they stripped away some of the feedback that had drenched their first album Psychocandy and allowed their pop sensibilities to flourish.
2. Staying with the Scottish Vibe (could this be because of Scotland's rather good win over Norway on Wednesday?
) Next up is Dry The Rain by The Beta Band on 3EPsI remember reading about the Beta Band a few years back in a Guardian supplement and thinking oh that sounds good, I'll have to check them out and then never quite getting round to it. I saw High Fidelity, heard this song and thought yes they are good must check them out properly this time, then didn't do a thing about it until about 2 years ago when a local music shop was closing down and I was able to pick up Hot Shots II for £3. I really loved that and got more of their stuff. I saw them at The Junction in Cambridge with a friend from work in January. Excellent gig and possibly the politest band I've ever seen, I hope that they reform.
The problem with this meme thing is that I go through phases of doing nothing but listening to music and then phases of not doing so at all. And I'm in a not listening to much music at the moment. All my radios are tuned to Radio 4 on an almost permanent basis with brief trips to Radio 5 Live. I don't listen to music when on the move. I'm rarely exposed to music on a day to day basis so this exercise is slightly artificial as I'm having to look at my music collection and ponder. I did tell Becky it would have been a lot easier if she had asked me to list "5 Radio 4 programmes I'm diggin' this week"
But back to the meme:
3. Venus in Furs by The Velvet Underground on The Velvet Underground and Nico.
Cool and kinky, sounds fabulous as well.
4. Rowche Rumble by the The Fall my copy is on 50,000 Fall Fans Can't Be Wrong: 39 Golden Greats.
Now I have been digging this song this week. It popped into my head when I read Miss K's answers to this meme, I've been singing it to myself all week.
The other problem with this meme is avoiding slipping into pretentiousness or showing myself to be the no hope goth/grunge/stuck in the late 80s early 90s geekette I really am.
5. Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes on Elephant.
Thunderous opener to the album, the video is also very striking and I have been diggin it this week cos I've had the lines "I'm going to Wichita, Far from this Opera for evermore" stuck on repeat in my head.
Right I believe that is tradition to chose people to pass this on to so Charlotte, Palace Fan, Michelle and Lazy Iguana, your turn if you want to.
Becky - mini meme back to you What was the first album you got? Mine was Arrival by Abba
10 September 2005
Edie in Second Life
I succumbed, Becky talked so much about it the other day including the killer information that there was now a free entry level that I signed up and spent far too much time playing in it last night, designing my avatar, clothes for my avatar, talking to Kisa, Peony and Joanna, flying around, trying to build things - I can now make killer wooden cubes.
I'm Edie Minogue in there, so if you see me about say hi.
I'm Edie Minogue in there, so if you see me about say hi.
07 September 2005
How the Military Deal With Snakes
Those gifs are really disturbing me now, every time I go to my blog they are there hurting my eyes, I need to get them away from the top quickly, as I've been out for a meal tonight and can't really think of anything to write about here's one that was emailed to me earlier.
HOW THE MILITARY DEAL WITH SNAKES
INFANTRY
Tracks snake through jungle. Snake smells them and quickly leaves area, travelling upwind.
PARACHUTE REGT
Lands on and kills snake.
ARMOUR
Runs over snake. Laughs and looks for more snakes.
CAVALRY
Treats snake with haughty disdain as having no impact on primary objective - to hold London against Roundheads at all costs.
ROYAL MARINE COMMANDO
Plays with snake. Gets smashed with snake. Eats snake.
COMBAT ENGINEER
Studies snake. Prepares tactical plan for fixing snake using counter-mobility assets and defeating snake using mobility assets. Chain of command pays no attention. Snake falls into hole dug by infantry and drowns.
ARTILLERY
Fires 3 hour concentrated barrage. Misses snake. Tree blown up by stray round falls on snake and kills it. Mission declared successful and all participants awarded gallantry medals.
SPECIAL FORCES
Makes contact with snake and ignoring Foreign Office directives builds rapport with snake and starts winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files massive expenses claim. Writes best-seller 'Python-Two-Zero'.
ARMY MEDICAL SERVICES
Snake dies by mistake on operating table. Dissects snake.
ROYAL NAVY
Fires 183 missiles from 17 ships. Estimates 60% of snake killed. Makes PowerPoint presentation to MoD Select Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost effective means of conducting anti-snake operations.
TA
Kills snake by accident on weekend camp. Keeps quiet about it.
RAF
Obtains geo-coordinates for snake. Alerts 40 Jaguars, 20 Harriers, RAF Regiment. Loads laser-guided bombs by mistake. Flies in at 20,000 feet. Can't find snake. Drops bombs in sea on way home. Returns to base for crew rest, dry-cleaning collection, facial and manicure.
INTELLIGENCE CORPS
Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake presence currently active. Assesses potential for snake activity as low. Dies of snake-bite.
DEFENCE LOGISTICS ORGANISATION
Orders 2 year study by Anderson Consultants at cost of £1.5M, generating massive workload at Grade 1 staff level. Report finds that killing snake may contribute to 20% output cost savings by inclusion of snake meat in Tri-Service messing. Snake Meat Implementation Team formed, with 2-star Tri-Service steering group. Aim to introduce snake meat into all messes and ration packs by 2005. Snake experts from Special forces and Gurkhas do not know what they are talking about. High profile £2M PR campaign launched featuring celebrity chef Ainsley Harriott and retired 4-star officers keen to supplement their excessive pensions. Snake meat launched in Service messes and restaurants to resounding clamour of apathy. Desperate to recoup lost money Army demolishes 300 married quarters and sells snake meat holdings to Indian and Canadian Armed Forces.
DEFENCE PROCUREMENT AGENCY
Decide they want to buy a Snake. Offer ambiguous contract for tender. Contract states that an eel will be supplied as Government Furnished Equipment and must be modified to meet the performance characteristics of a snake as laid out in the aforementioned ambiguous contract. 6 years late and £3Bn over budget the project is scrapped and a Commercial Off The Shelf snake is bought from the USA for $10Bn.
ADJUTANT GENERAL
Respects and values the snake's unique contribution, irrespective of its race, ethnic origin, religion or gender and without reference to social background or sexual orientation. Loses interest.
HOW THE MILITARY DEAL WITH SNAKES
INFANTRY
Tracks snake through jungle. Snake smells them and quickly leaves area, travelling upwind.
PARACHUTE REGT
Lands on and kills snake.
ARMOUR
Runs over snake. Laughs and looks for more snakes.
CAVALRY
Treats snake with haughty disdain as having no impact on primary objective - to hold London against Roundheads at all costs.
ROYAL MARINE COMMANDO
Plays with snake. Gets smashed with snake. Eats snake.
COMBAT ENGINEER
Studies snake. Prepares tactical plan for fixing snake using counter-mobility assets and defeating snake using mobility assets. Chain of command pays no attention. Snake falls into hole dug by infantry and drowns.
ARTILLERY
Fires 3 hour concentrated barrage. Misses snake. Tree blown up by stray round falls on snake and kills it. Mission declared successful and all participants awarded gallantry medals.
SPECIAL FORCES
Makes contact with snake and ignoring Foreign Office directives builds rapport with snake and starts winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files massive expenses claim. Writes best-seller 'Python-Two-Zero'.
ARMY MEDICAL SERVICES
Snake dies by mistake on operating table. Dissects snake.
ROYAL NAVY
Fires 183 missiles from 17 ships. Estimates 60% of snake killed. Makes PowerPoint presentation to MoD Select Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost effective means of conducting anti-snake operations.
TA
Kills snake by accident on weekend camp. Keeps quiet about it.
RAF
Obtains geo-coordinates for snake. Alerts 40 Jaguars, 20 Harriers, RAF Regiment. Loads laser-guided bombs by mistake. Flies in at 20,000 feet. Can't find snake. Drops bombs in sea on way home. Returns to base for crew rest, dry-cleaning collection, facial and manicure.
INTELLIGENCE CORPS
Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake presence currently active. Assesses potential for snake activity as low. Dies of snake-bite.
DEFENCE LOGISTICS ORGANISATION
Orders 2 year study by Anderson Consultants at cost of £1.5M, generating massive workload at Grade 1 staff level. Report finds that killing snake may contribute to 20% output cost savings by inclusion of snake meat in Tri-Service messing. Snake Meat Implementation Team formed, with 2-star Tri-Service steering group. Aim to introduce snake meat into all messes and ration packs by 2005. Snake experts from Special forces and Gurkhas do not know what they are talking about. High profile £2M PR campaign launched featuring celebrity chef Ainsley Harriott and retired 4-star officers keen to supplement their excessive pensions. Snake meat launched in Service messes and restaurants to resounding clamour of apathy. Desperate to recoup lost money Army demolishes 300 married quarters and sells snake meat holdings to Indian and Canadian Armed Forces.
DEFENCE PROCUREMENT AGENCY
Decide they want to buy a Snake. Offer ambiguous contract for tender. Contract states that an eel will be supplied as Government Furnished Equipment and must be modified to meet the performance characteristics of a snake as laid out in the aforementioned ambiguous contract. 6 years late and £3Bn over budget the project is scrapped and a Commercial Off The Shelf snake is bought from the USA for $10Bn.
ADJUTANT GENERAL
Respects and values the snake's unique contribution, irrespective of its race, ethnic origin, religion or gender and without reference to social background or sexual orientation. Loses interest.
06 September 2005
Awful Awful Gifs
There is a chain email going around at the moment I got it today, it is full of toe curling "folk" wisdom and "downhome commonsense" saying about and by "Mommies" utter utter guff
But the crowning glory of its naffness was the animated gifs attached. Too good to keep to myself I decided that it was my duty to share
The fairy blowing love over everyone!
The wacky colour blind red head.
The jumping for joy woman - ugg
Dancing in the flowers
And you can make up captions for the last two
Now where is that gif of a sick bag?
But the crowning glory of its naffness was the animated gifs attached. Too good to keep to myself I decided that it was my duty to share
The fairy blowing love over everyone!
The wacky colour blind red head.
The jumping for joy woman - ugg
Dancing in the flowers
And you can make up captions for the last two
Now where is that gif of a sick bag?
5,000th Visitor
I have had my 5,000 visitor today according to Stat Counter he or she lives in Oklahoma, uses Road Runner for an ISP and it was his or hers first visit to my site and spent exactly 0 seconds looking at my site :-(.
Fire!
We had another false fire alarm this morning we all dutifully trooped out of the building and on to the grass outside, because I was at my desk I was able to grab my handbag and mobile so that I could take pictures of the building in flames if it had turned out to be the real thing. Others also grabbed the essentials this was noticed by our fire warden who sent out the following email once the excitement had died down.
Tis true, one of the bosses was happily stood there with a mug in one hand and his Kylie calendar in the other chatting away without a care in the world.
PS we had another false fire alarm this afternoon as well.
To All
From Fire Warden
Date 06/09/05
Dear All,
As we are all sat back at our desks, you will be aware the fire alarm this morning was a false alarm (unfortunately my In-Tray did not go up in smoke). The evacuation and subsequent muster went very smoothly, however there are a couple of pertinent instructions that need to be exercised, which are:
1. If not in the immediate vicinity of the fire and if time permits, switch off all electrical appliances.
2. Close all doors and windows.
Your priority is NOT to save your favourite Kylie Minogue calendar, your mobile phone or cigarettes for a quickie on the grass. I appreciate that we all by nature assume the fire alarm is false, however one day it may not and these actions will reduce any damage.
Tis true, one of the bosses was happily stood there with a mug in one hand and his Kylie calendar in the other chatting away without a care in the world.
PS we had another false fire alarm this afternoon as well.
04 September 2005
The Great Outdoors
Yesterday was one of those rare beautiful summer days that you would not want to change in any way. It was warm without being oppressively hot, the sky was blue with hardly a cloud in the sky and there was a light wind to cool the brow.
So went for a walk, this is a rare enough occurrence for me to blog about even if it had been raining dank and miserable.
Near by where I live there is a river with pleasant paths along it and park land near by. Walking along the river you have to cross weirs that link the river to the flood ponds that have been built as part of the flood defences.
.
Further upstream there a lock so we went up there to see if there were any boats going through it. I've always been fascinated with locks, when I was little we would often visit canals when we were on holiday in South Western England, we would stop at a set of locks that would have a pub nearby wait for a barge to arrive at the lock, my brother and I would rush to the "driver" of the boat asking "can we help you Mister, can we can we?" We would happily push open or close the lock gates until our parents got bored of this entertainment and we went back home.
Fortunately there was a boat going through.
It was fun watching as they opened and closed gates to adjust the water's height
. The chap is not wearing a borg costume as I first thought it was a diving suit, he had been diving in the river earlier on but by the time I took the photo he must have been quietly melting.
Lucky it was such a sunny day could see where the opening was in the lock gate.
.
On the way back to home crossed across one of the flood plains, currently it is fully of cows.
But come heavy rainfall the meadow resembles a lake instead.
It was a beautiful day.
So went for a walk, this is a rare enough occurrence for me to blog about even if it had been raining dank and miserable.
Near by where I live there is a river with pleasant paths along it and park land near by. Walking along the river you have to cross weirs that link the river to the flood ponds that have been built as part of the flood defences.
.Further upstream there a lock so we went up there to see if there were any boats going through it. I've always been fascinated with locks, when I was little we would often visit canals when we were on holiday in South Western England, we would stop at a set of locks that would have a pub nearby wait for a barge to arrive at the lock, my brother and I would rush to the "driver" of the boat asking "can we help you Mister, can we can we?" We would happily push open or close the lock gates until our parents got bored of this entertainment and we went back home.
Fortunately there was a boat going through.
It was fun watching as they opened and closed gates to adjust the water's height
. The chap is not wearing a borg costume as I first thought it was a diving suit, he had been diving in the river earlier on but by the time I took the photo he must have been quietly melting.Lucky it was such a sunny day could see where the opening was in the lock gate.
.On the way back to home crossed across one of the flood plains, currently it is fully of cows.
But come heavy rainfall the meadow resembles a lake instead.
It was a beautiful day.
03 September 2005
Dyslexic? You Are Just Being Hysterical My Dear.
Professor Julian Elliott a pyschologist at Durham University has said that dyslexia is largely an "emotional construct" seemingly because "There is no consensus as to what it is and how to diagnose it. People describe all sorts of symptoms as dyslexia. And if you do diagnose it, it does not point to any intervention in particular."
I find this extremely insulting because I am dyslexic.
I exhibit the classic poor spelling, messy slow handwritting and transposition of letters that most dyslexics have, reading aloud is a trial although reading silently for me isn't too hard the words do not dance across the page for me which many dyslexicx describe, although I have to re-read things several times to get the full sense, mind you many people have to do that.
What this man does not seemed to have considered is that Dyslexia is not like a broken leg a condition that has one or two obvious cures. It is entirely possible that there are multiple causes that produce the same symptoms and just because there isn't one obvious cure or intervention does not mean that the condition should be dismissed and sufferers described as having some form of emotional construct. Highly Highly insulting and believe me if that was true I would be not be blogging this I would be down the pyschoanalyst talking about my relationship with my first goldfish in an attempt to get rid of dyslexia because I would rather not be a dyslexic it would make my life easier. These some of proffesions a dyslexic cannot do - Nursing, be a medical doctor, pilot, air traffic control, pharmacy. Oh there are probably dyslexics doing some of those but I bet they were either undiagnosed at the time or they kept very quiet about their condition at the interview. I never tell anyone I'm dyslexic when I've gone for job interviews because they would immediately think oh can't do this job then.
Dyslexia the term is perhaps wrong it should be rephrased as dyslexic spectrum or something like that.
I do agree that there is a dyslexia industry the British Dyslexia Association charge to do diagnoese and then to provide help. But I was diagnosed through the school system and help was provided (patchily in England but that is another blog) through the school system.
He says he is not confident in diagnosis why not? bad handwriting written work at variance with verbal work and understanding transposing letters all obvious pointers. My brother at his first A level Chemistry lesson sat next to a new lad took one look at his notes and suggested to him that he could be dyslexic and should get himself tested. The lad was.
Another thing that winds me up is when dyslexia is a middle class desease - the excuse to explain away why little Henry or Oliva are not doing well at school rather than admitting they are thick. Middle class children tended to get diagnosed more often than say working class ones because middle class parents tend to the know more about the ins and outs of the educational system and are less likely to accept the school saying that their child is thick and know where to go for a second opinion. Cleverer dyslexics tend to get diagnosed more often than stupid ones because the dyslexia stands out more.
But I can hear people crying I'm reading your blog, I've done so for a while (ok that bit is a bit less likely) I can't spot too many spelling mistakes, it's readable well that is because I'm typing it not writing it I can touch type which eliminates the transpostion problem to a great extent and the glories of spell check and being able to edit without leaving an obvious trace. I did get help at school, I practise writing and I work at it, in my job I have to write a lot. I wish my scanner was up and running then I could show you a sample of my written work the difference is striking. For one thing my handwriting can change style dramtically and it's not the long words that really give me difficulty it's the short ones, where, when, went is a nightmare, I want to spell it whent most of the time, who and how often get confused because of transposition. I was eight before I could spell my surname, 13 before I could spell my middle name and I still frequently mispell my first name when writing it down Jaen that's embarrasing when signing letters.
Anyway I've decided for a change not to spell check this (it will be the one post ever wehn I make no spelling mistakes) and I'm not going to the usual painstaking proofreading in order to give you a flavour of the real writing thrill that is my world.
yours
Cross of Cambridgshire
BBC NEWS | Education | Row erupts over dyslexia 'denial'
I find this extremely insulting because I am dyslexic.
I exhibit the classic poor spelling, messy slow handwritting and transposition of letters that most dyslexics have, reading aloud is a trial although reading silently for me isn't too hard the words do not dance across the page for me which many dyslexicx describe, although I have to re-read things several times to get the full sense, mind you many people have to do that.
What this man does not seemed to have considered is that Dyslexia is not like a broken leg a condition that has one or two obvious cures. It is entirely possible that there are multiple causes that produce the same symptoms and just because there isn't one obvious cure or intervention does not mean that the condition should be dismissed and sufferers described as having some form of emotional construct. Highly Highly insulting and believe me if that was true I would be not be blogging this I would be down the pyschoanalyst talking about my relationship with my first goldfish in an attempt to get rid of dyslexia because I would rather not be a dyslexic it would make my life easier. These some of proffesions a dyslexic cannot do - Nursing, be a medical doctor, pilot, air traffic control, pharmacy. Oh there are probably dyslexics doing some of those but I bet they were either undiagnosed at the time or they kept very quiet about their condition at the interview. I never tell anyone I'm dyslexic when I've gone for job interviews because they would immediately think oh can't do this job then.
Dyslexia the term is perhaps wrong it should be rephrased as dyslexic spectrum or something like that.
I do agree that there is a dyslexia industry the British Dyslexia Association charge to do diagnoese and then to provide help. But I was diagnosed through the school system and help was provided (patchily in England but that is another blog) through the school system.
He says he is not confident in diagnosis why not? bad handwriting written work at variance with verbal work and understanding transposing letters all obvious pointers. My brother at his first A level Chemistry lesson sat next to a new lad took one look at his notes and suggested to him that he could be dyslexic and should get himself tested. The lad was.
Another thing that winds me up is when dyslexia is a middle class desease - the excuse to explain away why little Henry or Oliva are not doing well at school rather than admitting they are thick. Middle class children tended to get diagnosed more often than say working class ones because middle class parents tend to the know more about the ins and outs of the educational system and are less likely to accept the school saying that their child is thick and know where to go for a second opinion. Cleverer dyslexics tend to get diagnosed more often than stupid ones because the dyslexia stands out more.
But I can hear people crying I'm reading your blog, I've done so for a while (ok that bit is a bit less likely) I can't spot too many spelling mistakes, it's readable well that is because I'm typing it not writing it I can touch type which eliminates the transpostion problem to a great extent and the glories of spell check and being able to edit without leaving an obvious trace. I did get help at school, I practise writing and I work at it, in my job I have to write a lot. I wish my scanner was up and running then I could show you a sample of my written work the difference is striking. For one thing my handwriting can change style dramtically and it's not the long words that really give me difficulty it's the short ones, where, when, went is a nightmare, I want to spell it whent most of the time, who and how often get confused because of transposition. I was eight before I could spell my surname, 13 before I could spell my middle name and I still frequently mispell my first name when writing it down Jaen that's embarrasing when signing letters.
Anyway I've decided for a change not to spell check this (it will be the one post ever wehn I make no spelling mistakes) and I'm not going to the usual painstaking proofreading in order to give you a flavour of the real writing thrill that is my world.
yours
Cross of Cambridgshire
BBC NEWS | Education | Row erupts over dyslexia 'denial'
02 September 2005
Intelligent Design
There has been a lot of debate about Intelligent Design in the blogisphere recently. To me, ID seems to be an attempt by creationists to subvert science to fit in with their literal interpretation of the bible. A belief in God and being a scientist are not incompatible, my late father had a PhD in Physics and was a practicing Roman Catholic. But the bible is a moral guide for Christians and Jews not a literal description of the formation of the world.
In the States there are attempts by various creationist groups to persuade school boards to make ID taught in science classes along side and with equal weight to evolution, a theory that has been tested against the geological record and by genetics and observation. The theory of Evolution is not complete, there are still things to worked out but scientist acknowledge this and work to fill these holes with theories that are based on the evidence to hand. ID instead sees a "hole" in evolutionary theory and effectively says the answer to the hole is "And then a miracle occurred" At it's best it's lazy thinking.
As a rebuke to this lazy thinking a young physics graduate, Bobby Henderson, has started Pastafarisism to point out that his belief that the world was created by a ball of spaghetti has equal worth as a creationist believe that the universe was created by God and is equally provable or unprovable.
At Plasticbag.org, Tom Coates has written an interesting article about it. He also has a link to a New York Times article about it.
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