When...

When I saw the blue/purple line emerge on the little white sick it was probably one of the life changing moments in my life ever. But we didn't trust that test so we got the more expensive one and yes the crossed blue lines appeared.

My doctor is very good but he is a bit of a glass half empty sort of chap so when I rocked up saying I was pregnant but had a bit of spotting what I would have normally described as period pain he was worried and refered me up to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit at the hospital.

10 days ago I had a scan that confirmed that the pregnancy was not ectopic but while we could the yolk sac (their words not mine) we couldn't see junior yet as s/he was too small.

Today I had another scan, we saw this

.

8weeks2days "old" 16.6 milimetres long with a strong heartbeat.

The little blue cross was a life changing moment but now I can believe that it is really real.

Doing ECDL

On a week's long training course so that I can get an European Computer Driving Licence. Unfortunately I can't just swan in and take the module exams, I have to do the training either on line or in a week's tutorial. The week's tutorial method sounded like the least painful overall, for two reasons; I can do an extra exam which will give me ECDL level two which I won't get from the on line training and it's a lot harder to cancel a whole week than it is the occasional afternoon down the computer centre.

Even though 95 percent of it is completely old stuff to me I'm still learning the new, like mail merge although now I can't think of when I would ever use it.

And why am I doing ECDL? Because at some stage I'm going to be looking for a new job and the number of job ads asking for ECDL have been rapidly increasing and I have a sneeking feeling that my 'O' Level in computer studies may no longer have the kudos it should do.

New All About Me

New Blog new all about me section, I've left the old one intact but closed to comments.

The Me Me Me Section

Age: 39

Starsign: Astrology is nonsense, a sop to the credulous but if you are interested - Leo

Live: In King's Lynn Norfolk.

Loves: My husband Simon, we got married 27 October 2007

Job: Civil Servant, but not for much longer I was lucky enough to be picked for an Early Release Scheme so I will be leaving the Civil Service in March 2009.

Money: Not enough I refer you to the Job entry.

TV: Mainly BBC2 or Channel4 - Doctor Who, Horizon, Grand Designs, The Fast Show, The Mighty Boosh although I fear that they may well have jumped the shark - the last series was very poor compared to the first two. I have also become slightly addicted to MASH reruns and Star Trek (all series) repeats

Radio: There is only one radio station Radio 4. I've been listening to it for years, I listen to it in the car on my way to and from work, having said that I am getting fonder of Radio 5 Live. Particular favourites on R4 are; The News Quiz, From Our Own Correspondent, The Now Show, I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Coming back in June 09, The Archers (there is no script you know!) PM, Today, Broadcasting House. On Radio Five Live - I really enjoy Simon Mayo's show when I catch it and I'm a subscriber to the Kermode Mayo film reviews.

Favourite Comedians: Bill Bailey, Eddie Izzard, Marcus Brigstocke, Jeremy Hardy, Jenny Eclair they are always worth watching or listening to whatever they are in.  We are going to see Frankie Boyle at the end of the month.

Drink: Yes please

Votes: Yes but not on Big Brother

Education: Loads, studied Physics and Astronomy at Uni didn't get my degree though which is why I'm a civil servant. Has my education come in useful in my work? Yes, I'm not an engineer but I know when I'm being given engineering bullshit.

Fears: Spiders, really scared of them. Feet and the things at the end of them, my idea of torture would be a pedicure, the thought of it makes me feel poorly.

Reads: The Guardian, Private Eye, The new scientist,

Dislikes: Well, you guess.  I'm a fessed up Guardian reader, on the political compass I'm in the bottom left quadrant it should be fairly obvious which isms I'm against. Oh and I can't stand replacement Upvc double glazing in period houses ugh.

Only When I Laugh

My virus continues.

I've spent most of my time delicately draped accross on one of the sofas like the sickly heroine of one of the more bathetic Victorian novels.

I felt decidedly better on Monday morning so it was off to work I went with, if not with a "HiHo" and a merry tune on my lips, but feeling ready for another day at work.

I walked from the car park into the office with a colleague - in that distance my voice started to sound like a teenage boy's just before it start to break and I began to feel my chest tightening up. By the time I got into the office I was beginning to squeak like a bat whisperer.

So they sent me home.

Tuesday - off work

Wednesday - off work

Thursday - off work - began to feel better

Friday - today I wake up feeling that if I don't talk too much I'll be fine. I get into work, feel awful, squeak like a bat to my boss, promptly burst into tears for no better reason than I don't feel well, get sent home again.

I seem to be ok if I do diddly squat, if I do anything for too long - talking, driving to work (remember it's an hour drive for me), trying to concentrate - it takes it out of me.

Reasons To Be Cheerful

I love to moan as much as the next under appreciated, under paid, mis understood, worker bee but I will allow little rays of sunshine into my life every now and then.

Yesterday afternoon was just the time for a faint glimmer of a smile in the face of Arctic winds and the whipped, stinging cold rain. I don't know if I have mentioned this before, but for some time now I have been having trouble with my ears, especially the left one, almost constant tinnitus, frequent ear aches, not being able to hear people properly and then having other sounds, that were no louder then the people I couldn't hear go through me like warm pneumatic drill through butter. And then there were the dizzy spells, not often, but over the course of the last year there have been times when I've not been able to keep my head up because everything felt like it was moving.

Anyway as part of the investigation into these problems I had two hearing tests last year both of which showed some hearing loss in the left ear. For the consultant's appointment on Friday I had yet another test on Tuesday. The cow of an audiologist would not let me know what the results were, so I had to wait until yesterday afternoon to get some surprising but good news.

My hearing is back to normal, there is no sign of damage to the ears and they look all OK. The consultant thought that I had probably had something called labyrinthintitus which like most viruses has over the months finally got better of its own accord. Except for I am still having earache and tinnitus which he said was probably because it can take a lot of time for the ears to get back to normal so I'm gonna have a scan to see if the wonders of modern technology can show if there is anything untoward.

It's not a complete sign off but it is such a relief that my hearing has returned to normal, even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment, as I don't think I could stand loosing the ability to enjoy music and the world about me aurally.

Read

The static blogroll. I know it's long, probably too long but I do read them, or at least have a look when Google Reader tells me that something new has appeared. The only exception to that is Becky's web because it's normally a little voice telling me "I've blogged". There is a reduced and dynamic list to the right with some highlights.

Becky's Web - Becky EnVérité

A Gentleman's C - The Angry Professor

A Hazy Day Today - Rockmother

Alicublog - Roy

The All New Adventures 0f Wyndham The Triffid - Wyndham appears to have stopped blogging

All That Comes With It - Dan

Bad Astronomy - Phil Plait the Bad Astronomer.

Bad Science - Ben Goldacre sticking one on the pseudoscientists

Betty's Utility Room - Betty

Blonde Moments - Hannah

Blurred Lines - Lara Tyg

Boolblog - Boolbar

Cafe De Jenkster - Kris

Clarissa Explains Some Of It - Clarissa

Cosmic Variance - Daniel Holtz et al

The DraGnet - Miss K -back

Daily Mail Watch - Merk

Eggs Akimbo - Em

Eyefood - Kisa

Flat Out Norwich - Flat Out - appears to have stopped blogging

The Gates of Ivory - Isobel

Gatochy's Blog - Mariana

Glitter For Brains - Lee

Herstory - Emma

I Can Has Cheezburger

Idle Thoughts, Furious Musings - Penny M

One Man Blogs - Gordon

Joanna's Diary - Joanna

The Jogger Blogger - Jogger Blogger

Just Jessica - Jessica - retired

The Kaptain Kobold Blog - Kaptain Kobold

Lolcats Can Has Science

Lipstick Vogue - Kat

Luis Droppings - Luis

Midwest Rock Lobster - Chixulub

Mildly Diverting - Kim

NeuroLogica Blog - Steve Novella

¡Oye Billy! - Billy

The Other Side Of The World - Freiya -appears to have stopped blogging

Palace Fan That's A New Dad - James

The Panda's Thumb

Pandora's Hideaway - Pandora

Pig Sty Avenue - Garry

Plutos the Blubberman - Sim

The Quackometer Blog - Le Canard Noir

Rantings Of The Lazy Iguana - Lazy Iguana

Razorblade of Life - Z

Respectful Insolence - Orac

The Rogues Gallery - Evan Bernstein et al

Ross @ Dover - Ross - appears to have stopped blogging

Sad, Sweet Songs and Crazy Rhythms - Magpie

Selina's Universe - Selina Morse - appears to have stopped blogging

Smaller Than Life - Salvadore Vincent

Solid Gone - Stegbeetle

Stephanie's Pillowbook - Stephanie

Steph's Ramblings - Steph

Stephen Fry's Blog - Stephen Fry

Stuff White People Like

Sugar Mountain Farm - Walter

Technovia - Ian Betteridge

Thaumata's Blog of ill repute - Thaumata

Thinking Is Dangerous - Dr* T

Tiny Frog - Tinyfrog

Tom's Astronomy Blog - Tom

Trendy Discotheque - Valerie

Wilder By Far - John Wilder

World-O-Crap - Scott and SZ

xkcd

You're a DJ, I'm the song - Tiffy

Hear

Following on from the list of podcast highlights I thought I would do the egotistical thing give the full gory breakdown of my podcast listening habits.

Astronomy Cast

The Bugle - As recommended by Dan. Very funny and as it comes from the Times it's England-centric.

Friday Night Comedy from Radio Four - it depends on which series is occupying the slot, but so far it's been The News Quiz and the Now Show.

In Our Time - Another Radio Four product, I learn something new with every podcast, even when I don't understand the half of it.

Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo's Film Reviews - Going straight to the heart of the periphery every time.

Science Talk: The Podcast Of Scientific American

SETI: Science and Skepticism - Because I'm bit of a geek.

The Silicon Valley Astronomy Lectures - Because I'm a bit of a geek who loves astronomy.

Skepticality - Good skeptical podcasting.

The Skeptics Guide To The Galaxy - the champs at skeptical podcasting.

Pippi Longstocking

I changed jobs recently at work, new contractors, new kit, new contracts but same old office, pay and long commute but new perks. I'm going to Sweden next month for a meeting and I'm inordinately excited which is daft but in the last 6 years I hardly went anywhere, once to Scotland and once to Germany. Aha, you might cry "but lots of jobs are like that" I agree, that's true but it's a bit galling when normally you never get to go any further than the next county when half your colleagues are jet setting around the world and are doing the faux world weariness about being upgraded to first class when they got to LAX, again.

I've checked out the sites - on google earth at least and will be investing in the krona shortly... now does M.A.C have a concession at Heathrow?

Went Out Last Night

A works do, the same one I blogged about 2 years ago. This is what I looked like then,


and this is how I looked last night,



There is no morning after picture as truth be told it was more the afternoon after that I felt anything less than extremely jaded, I did meet up with my mum for a coffee this morning but she did say it was like having a conversation with a corpse.

Callouses and other things

I have a callous on the middle finger of my left hand, I've had it since about first year of secondary school. It's caused by the pressure of supporting the pen on it. I've just written out umpty wedding invitations and my finger is now throbbing like a good un.

And I've forgotten what else I was gonna say except it's a bank holiday tomorrow and we're going to Norwich.

Duckface

On Tuesday I went to see the consultant at the QEH about my potentially dodgy right eye.

He did various test, he looked at my eyes under coloured lights and pressed various objects against their surfaces (not too hard and under a very local anaesthetic so it didn't hurt, just felt odd). He made his notes, consulted the chart from the last visual acuity field test I did and decided: yes this duck has wings. The pressure is markedly raised in my right eye and slightly too in the left and the field testing shows the classic arc of vision lose for the right eye. I have glaucoma.

I'm now on beta blocker drops which means that my snooker playing should improve but my hopes of being an Olympian have been dashed. I'm ok, although I will admit, I did have a little weep the next day I think that was more because I'm going to be on medication for the rest of my life and that seems so final. But really, the glass is more full than empty, it was spotted before any serious damage was done and with continuing treatment there's very good chance that I will never have noticeable sight loss.

Another One Of Life's Ambitions Achieved.

We've just back from an extremely enjoyable weekend in the North-West, more on that tomorrow later today when I've recovered from the trip back. But I just want to mark for posterity that today yesterday I drove on my favourite motorway - the M62; over my favourite bit of the country - The Pennines. It was great!

And So

I was off work today, first day of my holidays, Si wasn't so the day was mine. So I went into Lynn bimbled around and decided that I really needed to go to the opticians. I needed to go as I hadn't had my eyes checked for over two years, I need new contact lenses and the lens of my spectacles are scratched. Three very good reasons for anyone.

The chap who received me did the puff test which made my eyes water, then I had to place my chin on the edge of a box which had an array of bulbs that would glow green at his command. I had to tell the chap how many of the bulbs were glowing. He did my right eye first, it seem to take an age, he kept stopping to ask me in which quadrants I had seen the lights. The left eye we sailed through, not a question was asked.

Next I was ushered through to the care of the optician - first she asked me the usual questions seeing as I was a new patient I assumed. Were any members of my family diabetic? - Yes my mother; did any members of my family have high blood pressure? - Yep my mother; Does anyone in the family have glaucoma? - No, no one does. She cracked on, looked at my retinas very carefully, asked me if the letters looked clearer with "either 1 or 2.... a or b.... 3 or 4?"

Then, once she had finished with the eye test she started to talk, she told me about how my prescription had changed from when I had my glasses made up, she told me how she was very concerned and would be writing a letter to my doctors telling them to refer me to the Ophthalmologist at the hospital because I showed all the signs of the early stages of glaucoma in my right eye. There were three tests she could do as an optician, the puff test, the grid test and looking closely at the retina for all three I showed the typical indications of glaucoma - the pressure was too high, I had an arc where I was not perceiving the lights and my retina looked wrong. The good news - it looked like it was the very early stages, the disease is very treatable, the bad news I'm a bit too young to be a typical glaucoma patient, it usually manifests itself in people over 40.

They redid the puff and grid tests because the hospital likes consistency - they'll be pleased with me.

It's not been confirmed I might not have glaucoma but as far as I can tell it's quaking like a duck, it's walking like a duck and it sure as looks like a duck so I'm not really expecting any other diagnosis when I do see the consultant.

How do I feel? I feel very dropped on, I wasn't expecting this, I have no obvious symptoms, it doesn't hurt. But I now face a lifetime of eye drops to stave off the risk of going partially sighted or blind. However that is far better then a prognosis of blindness or permanent disability, I don't have that and if it means that from the age 40 my brother will get free eye test I'm sure that I should get a freebie or two myself.

What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?

I just had to validate Becky. This is me transformed by those clever people at St Andrews University.

Ancestral

Apart from a few months after I was born I have never lived anywhere where I could claim any family roots - until now. You see with Norfolk I have ancestry, which I didn't know until about 4 5 years ago, but one of my great grandmothers came from Holt. I know very little I'm ashamed to say, she was in service for a while as a cook, she ended up living in Kent although how she got there from Norfolk I don't know but she and my great grandfather (who was Irish and I don't know how and where they met either) did live in the west end of London for a while before World War I.

Looking for things to do today I suggested we go to Holt to have a look round, as far as I'm aware I have no family left there but I thought it would be interesting nevertheless to have a look see. Holt is a bit of a tourist trap, a posh tourist trap, it's full of boutiques, expensive sandwich shops, galleries and gourmet supermarkets, oohs sorry "food halls." Holt reminded me very much of a mix of the village my brother and his family live in, the touristy bits of Harrogate especially round the Crown Hotel and Masham which has a Spar shop with gourmet tendencies.

Apart from the tourist trap shops there doesn't seem to be that much of interest to see in Holt, we had a look at the war memorial, had lunch in a local pub, nice, not too expensive and didn't taste like it was "fresh from our freezer".

And then we left. I would be lying if I felt anything about the place, I'm not sure if you are supposed to in cases like these. I wouldn't want to live there and I wouldn't visit as a matter of course as it's not my sort of tourist destination.

So ancestral stomping grounds - meh I think without some family there to connect with they don't mean that much to me.

The Slowest Swimmer In Town

In a vague attempt to get fit, svelte and generally toned by October, Simon and I have taken to going swimming. We went to the adult lanes swim tonight at the local pool. They had three lanes set up fast, medium and slow. I joined the slow lane, Simon joined the medium one - within 3 minutes I had proved one thing.

They need 4 lanes - fast, medium, slow and "my God, I've never seen anyone swim so slowly and not sink" for me. I was by a fair length or two the slowest swimmer in the pool, even the hunchback with misshapen arms and the little old lady who left her zimmer frame* by the edge of the pool were lapping me.

I'm quite a good swimmer, my technique is OK I'm fairly strong but fast I'm not, I never have been, when I learnt at school the teacher would be ready to pack up for the end of the lesson by the time I had finished my length. I put it down to the anti thorpedo effect - just as Ian Thorpe has massive feet and hands that helped propel him along at a great rate of knots, I have tiny feet and hands (for my size), and when I swim I can only displace thimblefuls of water compared to the buckets that everyone else can so no wonder I go so slowly.

I think I'm going to take up water aerobics when I move to King's Lynn, less likely to be humiliated by a one legged 80 year old.

*OK that may be a slight exaggeration.

This Could Become A Habit

This is just the second day of having the car, and already I'm hooked which is scary as I've got to give it back to Simon on Friday as it is really his car. But man, without wishing to trivialise the effects of drugs that car is like crack I can't bear to think about giving the car back. The ease of just driving to work instead of catching the bus, the fact that I could if I wanted just get in the car and drive anywhere I wanted to instead of having to ask someone to take me there if it's inaccessible by public transport.

It's great.

That I still don't really need a car, I can walk to the shops easily, to the bus and railway stations and the bus to work drops me off as close as it can get, which is pretty close, hasn't changed but yesterday it was freezing I didn't have to wait for the bus in a freezing shelter, today I was able to give a colleague a lift home which was really nice to do. Gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

I know intellectually I don't need it, that a car is an expensive habit which I can't really afford even considering the petrol. But.... oooh I like the way it makes me feel (warm and home a lot earlier than usual)

Lost in Wisbech

So I drove into work today, from King's Lynn to finest Fenlandshire, apart from getting lost round Wisbech it was all fine. Wisbech is a fine looking town especially in the centre but its by-pass is not very well sign posted and I was looking for signs to March and or the A141 not the A644684648. I eventually found the road I was meant to be on, but only after going through a couple of very pretty villages and the snow strewn landscape.

I could get very fond of this flat land, driving through it in the morning like this I get to see it more clearly and I'm noticing things I've not noticed before when I've been driven. Unfortunately I've not noticed the way to the Wisbech by pass.

I got to work just in time for my course. I'm feeling very invested in at the moment this is the second course in as many weeks, this time I'm learning how to interview people correctly, the trainer looks and sounds just like Alan Bleasdale and one of my fellow students is Peter Griffin of Family Guy made flesh and brainier and more thoughtful and from the west country apart from that he's the dead spit. It feels like a good course and I've learnt lots of useful stuff already, tomorrow is the scary day, we've got to interview volunteers on their CVs but from a behavioural aspect tomorrow. It could all go horribly wrong.

Could Snow

I rang my Mum today, just to see how she was and because I usually ring her on a Sunday after the Archers if I'm about. She said that it was threatening to snow in darkest Cambridgeshire. I did not ring her because it was Mother's day, you see my Mum doesn't believe in it. She says that if you need a day in the year to remember your mother on and treat her properly because you've ignored her for the rest of they year then please don't bother at all. This was my paternal Grandmother's view as well, so there has never been a tradition of bothering with Mother's day as far as I remember. I suppose I will have to carry on the tradition myself too.

I personally think Valentine's day is a load of crock too, there's nowt wrong with a card but leave it at that the rest is over priced tat. It is far nicer to receive a bunch of flowers just because "it's a Wednesday and they looked nice and the sun was shining and I was thinking of you..." than because all the supermarkets and florist shops are telling you this is how you must show your love.

Anyways that was not what I was intending to blog about. Yesterday as well as going for a tramp in the woods (we had a good time I'm not sure whether the tramp enjoyed it though. Ah the old jokes they don't get much better than that! :D )We went out for dinner in Historic King's Lynn by the Quayside as the restaurant is a bit posher than your usual rubbish we decided to scrub up, this is me all scrubbed up and ready to go as taken with my new camera. I forgot to take a photo of Simon be assured that he looked very dapper too.

Wrong Response

I had a hearing test today at the request of the doctor, after I went to see her about my little turn last week. I came over all dizzy if you are interested, which is probably linked to the blocked ears I've had since before Christmas. The hearing test showed some hearing loss in my left ear at higher frequencies, which would tally with what I've been saying about not being able to make out what is being said in noisy environments especially if they have higher pitched voices. But when I looked at the graph that the nurse had charted out my first thought was "Oh Good, I've got something to blog about tonight. Better than the 'marigold gloves fetish' search result I got a hit from yesterday." instead of "Ooooh that's not good, I hope it's only temporary"

My considered response is "Ooooh that's not good I hope it's only temporary" I will be seeing the doctor next week I'll let you know.