I've decided that wedding magazines are evil, they propagate the myth that the bride can have everything just so and it is your right, nay almost your solemn duty to insist on having it all your own way.
The groom is almost treated like some form of Ken doll, his only purpose is to propose and be dressed up on the day as the bride wants. Often ending up looking like a butler from a dodgy am dram production of an Agatha Christie play.
It's all arrant nonsense designed to force up the costs and create guilt, envy, misery and consumerist lust in brides. It's rubbish because even if you are rich beyond the dreams of whatsit it's not possible to get everything your own way nor is it sensible to try. You have to compromise over the fripperies and try to meet in the middle over the menus because otherwise you'll go mad trying to achieve the impossible and lets face it' the chances are, your undiluted taste is probably a little shit, it requires the input of others to stop you making an utter tit of yourself. Blaxplotation themed wedding when you are a pasty faced ginger anyone? (Although I did think that a "Sound Of Music" theme had merit, but I was cruelly ignored ;-) )
The magazines tell you that it's all about you the bride, and it's not because if it was all about you then it would be a party to celebrate that Ms A. N. Other has got the chance to dress up the way her inner 6 year old would have wanted her to do (see above about taste) and get loads of presents at the same time (something else that's popular with 6 year olds).
But presents and parties are not the raison d'etre, they are just fripperies I'm not saying that Si and I haven't drunk some of the wedding kool aid, I've got a new frock and shoes, Si's got the shoes and getting the suit, We are going to throw a party and we hope that our guests will throw confetti however I hope we are doing these things because really want to not because of some subconscious urge to conform. They are all just extras though, they don't really matter. The only bit that does really matter also happens to be about the cheapest at £43.50 and that's the wedding, it doesn't matter what we wear, we don't actually need rings what does matter is that we love each other, have belief in our relationship and that we want to make that public and legal commitment to each other by getting wed.
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"The groom is almost treated like some form of Ken doll, his only purpose is to propose and be dressed up on the day as the bride wants. Often ending up looking like a butler from a dodgy am dram production of an Agatha Christie play..."
ReplyDeleteUnless the groom happens to be a stubborn little bugger who stamps his feet very firmly until he gets the big posh frockcoat he's seen on the internet ;-)
Hey, it's your big day and you & Si are the only people to consider. If aunty Dorris doesn't eat celery then don't change the whole menu, we didn't... Although to be fair we didn't actually have an aunty Dorris at the wedding!!!
Getting married in Las Vegas certainly avoided most of the stress, and it was very cheap (in both senses) saving a lot of money that got spent on a frock, alas not for me though.
ReplyDeleteexactly! it's quite scary how people can get about weddings, it can quickly turn into a huge me-fest but as you said, the important thing is the love and the fact that you want someone so much that you're prepared to tell everyone you know about it by getting married.
ReplyDeleteThe present thing can get abit mad, i once knew someone who, with the wedding invites, send out their bank details so people could pay thier 'wedding present' directly into the account! i kid you not! anyhow they got a picnic set from us.....
It is your day - and by that I mean the pair of you. Do what you want. The world revolves about both of you that day. Savour it.
ReplyDeleteNot sure how the wedding costs £43.50 though. The legal bits and bobs are fixed and cost a tad more than that.
Wow! More chicks need to be like you. This whole extravagant wedding thing is just crazy. You know how much some wedding dresses cost. And people only plan to wear them once! The groom? He just rents a tux. No big deal.
ReplyDeleteAnd why do so many weddings feature horribly ugly matching clothing for the grooms men and bridesmaids? Teal blue tux? Where does one get such a horrible thing from? The "oh my God people will actually wear this" store?
It is your day - and therefore you should NOT be taking advice from a magazine. The magazine is trying to get you to buy stuff from the people who place ads in the magazine. The whole thing is pretty much a big ad.
The only thing I would insist on is a bar. An open bar. Might as well get the guests a little drunk since they are all going to show up with gifts anyway. Or at least they better! No gift - no scotch.
Steph: and a very nice frockcoat it is too, have you had another chance to wear it yet?
ReplyDeleteSuzie - I know people who have got married abroad to avoid all the family politics, but it's not so much the cost of things I object to, although I do think that it's outrageous it's the pressure put on couples to believe that all the expense is necessary to have a good wedding.
Feiya: That sounds chilling asking for money, I know that I've gone to weddings where there hasn't been anything under 60 quid of the gift list. Gave them wine glasses instead.
Selina - the 43.50 is the cost of the ceremony and the copy of the licence that we've got to pay on the day, I've ignored the cost of giving notice we paid that ages ago.
Iggy - Alas an open bar is far too expensive for us even to consider. I've seen some photos of US wedding parties where they are all kitted out like loons and the only thing I can think of is a deep seated hatred, sat within the bosom of the happy couple, for their friends and families.
I agree. Some "required" wedding costumes are just plain silly. I think the bride wants to guarantee that she is the best looking, so she makes her friends dress up in clown costumes. I have seen SALMON themed weddings. Where the hell does one find a pinkish red men's tux from? It was like a pimp convention.
ReplyDeleteIf an open bar is not possible (that is expensive unless you do not have enough booze to last the night) then at least a cash bar can be provided. That is also acceptable if it is all the budget will allow. I have been to plenty of events with a cash bar. No big deal. I always bring some cash to things just in case.
I am sure you will have a perfectly lovely day.
Don't worry Iggy there will be a cash bar and at reasonable prices too.
ReplyDeleteKerry and I got married abroad (in central park zoo, New York to be exact) mainly because we just didn't want all the hassle of a wedding over here.
ReplyDeleteWell, that and I wanted monkeys as my witnessess.
Weddings are nearly as stressful as moving house. I'm glad you and Si seem to be managing well.
I so agree with you.
ReplyDeleteAmen! My extended family, sisters included, has yet to do a wedding with a guest list smaller than 200 people, not including children. You should see their faces when I say things like, "Listen, I'd honestly be happier to elope, but if I HAVE to have a wedding, we're maxing it out at 30, including his family, and that's only because you have seven kids." They think I'm insane.
ReplyDelete