Rules For Being A Naturist

1. Be middle aged

2. Be saggy all over if you happen to be stilled toned now that you are staring 50 in the face have a Brazilian or the male equivalent the guys/chicks will love it.

3. Don´t sit still, stand when eating your lunch, applying your suntan lotion. Walk about. A lot, strut your sagging stuff along the water´s edge at every opportunity you get.

4. Don´t be British, the years of cold wet summers mean that we are now physically incapable of airing all to the sun and too many repeats of the carry on films make us deeply embarrassed at the thought of slipped bra strap let alone it all hanging free. No be German or Swedish instead, decades of easy access to saunas and a fresh air movement make it so much easier.

5. Go on holiday to the Canaries.