More Tales From The Gents'

Back in July I regaled you with an email from our deputy building custodian about proper use of the loos. Well he has been forced to email us again.

From: Dep Building Custodian
Sent: 29 March 2006 09:38
To: All
Subject: Chewing Gum

Apologies to you ladies, this does not apply to you. Will whoever is spitting their chewing gum in the gents urinals please refrain from this odious habit. The cleaners are obviously fed up fishing these tasteless (pun intended) products out, by virtue of the mounting evidence in the downstairs gents.

If you must insist on chewing gum in the work place, please wrap it in tissue and dispose of it in one of the many bins around the pavilion. If you have trouble locating one of these, please look behind you, next time you visit the gents urinal.

P.S.

Of course, please finish any processes before turning around. We aim to please.

Dep Building Custodian

'So unlike the homelife of our own dear Queen', as my Mum is wont to say when she is being sarcastic.

Out Of Phase

Every year, it throws me, the clocks going forward. It isn't the "loss" of the hour that is easily managed it's the evenings suddenly getting longer. It feels so wrong in a way that reverting back to GMT never does. I don't mind going home in the dark, which seems to be the main complaint against GMT where I work, it's cosy and the town looks far better at night than it does by day.

I suppose it is a hang over from being a child, I hated going to bed when it was still light as a small child and that feeling hasn't left me except it's changed to "it should be dark in the evening" And as for the idea of moving to European time no, it's not going to conjure an extra hour of daylight out of somewhere and there isn't really a good reason for doing it. We are now a mostly industrial/post industrial nation we don't need the long evenings to help the farmers as we have hardly any farming left and guess what, combine harvesters come with powerful headlight nowadays.

One For You Lord of the Rings Fans

Middle Earth Rhapsody by my inordinately clever boyfriend Becky.

In other news, the computer system at work is now working but the tannoy system seems to be failing as we had numerous statements along the lines

"This is a ...est of the tan... ....tem
One
....
..ree
fo...
[long pause as the guard tries to work out how to count backwards]
..our
three
tw..
..n...
End of Mes...ge"

The Network Failure Blues

Woke up this morning (der da di dum).
Went into work (der da di dun).
Found the computers were working (der da di dun)
Only intermittently (der dah di dum)
And then at lunchtime (der deh de dum)
We had to turn them off (der deh di dum)
For site wide diagnostic testing, oh my!

Chorus
Yeah baby, I've got the network failure blues,
Can't do no work as we have no server connectivity!

Can't email my baby (der da di dum)
To see how he is (der da di dun)
Can't surf no blogs (der dah di dum)
The whole site is down ( der di dah dun)
Can't write no letter to the big contractor man (dar der di dum)
Can't update the spreadsheet (der deh di dun)
And there are only so many old files to be read, oh yeah

Chorus
Oh Baby I've got the net work failure blues
Cos no one knows when the local area network's gonna be fixed.
(and repeat to fade)

written at work, but for obvious reasons, blogged at home.

Big Shout Going Out II

My Friend Jessica, not only does she manage to have holiday snowboarding without breaking her leg. Almost without breaking sweat she blogs an interesting post on the phenomena of wishing been born the opposite sex.

Twenty Eight And A Half Minutes of Teeth Grinding Awfulness

OH NO....

There is yet another bloody series of "Quote Unquote".

I'm sorry to be so parochial here colonial readers but Quote Unquote is deeply deeply unfunny, unsparkling, awful. How it has lasted so long, well I just don't know and answers on a postcard would be appreciated. Nigel Rees punts very very easy questions at the guests, who to a man have a book to sell or the mortgage for the Gite to pay and by God they will go on about it. The guests then pretend not to be able to answer the question just to drag the thing out, throw in a few lame jokes to check that the audience (bused in from the nearest geriatric ward, I'm sure) are still alive then finally get round to admitting that yes they do know who wrote "It is a far far better thing I do now etc etc." If the guest forgets to puff his product during the show Nigel will do it for them as part of his matey chat.

It is the Radio 4 version of Last Of The Summer Wine. Gone past it's sell by date by at least 29 years

It is awful.

School Dinners

It's Saint Patrick's Day - I won't be indulging in the Guinness as I haven't got any and I'm not hugely keen on the stuff. I know many others will be whether they are Irish or not.

For Saint Patrick's Day the Canteen at my High School in New York State, served green bagels . To celebrate 18th March they served green bagel pizzas fortunately the madness didn't continue on to the 19th.

I should be on the way to King's Lynn right now as I type this but unfortunately I'm not feeling very well and Simon is feeling distinctly poorly. Hopefully I'll go tomorrow.

Advance Australia Fair

Australia - great country, on the whole, great people, culture, night life with vibrant cities and awesome countryside.

What it is not, is headline news when its Prime Minister says there may be a chance that after Brenda pops her clogs Australia will become a Republic.

Dear Mr Producer At BBC Ten O'clock news - That isn't headline news - not in Britain - may be in Australia, but here most people couldn't give a dingo's kidney whether Australia becomes a republic or not. It would have no effect on Great Britain's wealth, status or geopolitical power if Australia becomes a republic. We would only care if they made Kylie/Russell Crowe the first president and then only if she was sworn in wearing hot pants/he was sworn in after head butting the ambassador from Luxembourg. (see I had to get a link of Reuters because the online news doesn't think it's news yet.)

I'm all for international news but please, can it be news?

Cafe Culture

This weekend Becky was rather keen to

a) Prove the all round usefulness of the best laptop bag in the world ever^TM

b) Drink coffee, surf the net wirelessly using her laptop in a coffee shop.

We could have gone to Seattle, we could have gone to London but I didn't have my passport on me and London is a very long way to go for a cup of coffee. The bright lights of Kings Lynn it was. After a bracing walk past the thronging crowds who were thrilling at the opening of the new Woolworth's we made our way to the coffee shop.

While I got the coffees Becky grabbed the seats and must have got her laptop out in seconds flat because as I when I got back she was intently staring at the screen. Unfortunately though this is Kings Lynn and free Wi-Fi has not hit this bit of the Fens, so experiencing the full cafe culture vibe will have to wait for another day.

It won't be where I live though because the idea of decent coffee hasn't even hit my bit of the Fens.

List O Link type thingy II and a political mini rant

Spitfire - The Haynes Manual
- For a certain type of person this will one of the most interesting books out in the near future (and I half way there to being one of the them. I love watching all sorts of aircraft and would have a quick shufty at this book.)

Also I was gobsmacked the other day when I read in the Guardian a comment piece by Johnathan Steele in defence of the current Belarusian Leader - Alexander Lukashenko a virtual dictator a country where free speech is stifled, there are political prisoners and people had disappeared for opposing his leadership. The gist of Steele's piece is that the west's main opposition is because the Belarusian economy is stable yet still owned by the state. He also implies that we should tolerate this man because the means of production are still state controlled. This is bollocks - Lukashenko is the ex-communist answer to General Pinochet not worthy of support at all.

This Guardian article has more details. Europe's last dictatorship

And They Called It Puppy Love

At the risk of bringing down everything down round my ears I'm gonna gush

And give me my due I havna gushed so far but come the 20th it will be 7 months so I think I have a right.

I never thought that I would that I would meet anyone through the blog. I thought maybe I would meet local bloggers which would be good and enrich my social life and perhaps lead on to meeting someone but never thought I would meet someone.

But I did... and it is absolutely fantastic.

Right now I feel pinker and fluffier than a flamingo that has been dipped in fabric softener then tumbled dried.

Simon has made me smile more than I thought was humanly possible, I've laughed till I cried. He has made me feel loved and lovable. He has made life fun again and vital, he is clever and interesting and curious, kind, generous, caring and sweet. Thinking of him makes me smile, being with him makes me laugh. Being with him is to be alive, he makes me feel comfortable and warm. And I could go on about how sexy he is and stuff but you don't need to know about stuff beyond stuff is good. Cos he is.

Top Of The Pops

Got this link sent to me at work Number 1 Birthday Calculator - tells you what was number one in the UK on your birthday, don't know if it is the real chart as done by Gallup or the ersatz one.

Mine was Rolling Stones - Honky Tonk Women.

What's yours?

On A Whim

Obligatory Bullring Picture
Originally uploaded by Jane Goth.

Simon and I decided to go Birmingham to do a bit of shopping. We bimbled around the Bullring centre people watching and looking at the shiny things in shop windows, I wandered into the Apple Mac shop to see if it still smelt of wee. It didn't now obviously last time one of their customers got a bit over excited. Still very crowded though.

We went to Selfridges to look at the overexpensive clothes and the food hall. I have recently discovered what wonderful products M.A.C make so I had to visit their concession there. The range of colours their eyeshadows come is stunning and comprehensive. I was oohhing at the shades when one of the assistants asked me if I wanted help and when I said "I loved the colours but..." she offered to demonstrate some eyeshadows on me. I was in there like a shot. She was very good as well she gave me a mirror so I could watch what she was doing where possible. I am now the proud owner of three new MAC eyeshadows ricepaper, green-smoke and humid a kohl pencil - Rosemary and Thyme and a new lipstick - house wine for those that are interested.

Yes it is more expensive than Rimmel or Number 7 but compared to Clarins or L'ancome or Estee Lauder it's either on a par or a bit cheaper and the colours are so intense and go on so well that the little pots will last for postively ages.

Domestics

Had a training course this afternoon down at the main contractor I deal with.

The trainer pinged up the Health and Safety Side

• Fire Exits - check
• smoking - check
• first aiders - check
• personal hygiene - ???
  

Where's the £50 million?

As found by a colleague of mine who was too bored for work.

Blag Cash Auction

The coverage of this robbery is almost as interesting as the hunt for the "criminal masterminds."

Just compare the coverage of the Guardian to the Mail .

- The Guardian describes it as a "mock Tudor mansion" and it's owner as a local businessman. Mostly a very dry and factual report on the raid and it's aftermath.

The Mail by way of contrast have on the front page, a picture of the man said to own the farm, his shirt unbuttoned to his navel arms wrapped round a young woman who the paper describes as a strippogram. But before you all rush out to get a copy, she is fully dressed and the picture must be at least 15 years old judging by her hair and makeup. The article accompanying the photo spends time painting a picture of the man, John Fowler, as being a little bit "close to the edge" and a wheeler dealer tycoon.